The world behind me, the cross before me... I have always wanted to be married, but God's grace is sufficient for me. Perhaps I shall be married, perhaps I shall be single. May God's will be done. Love you Father, Amen I had a dream last night April 17 that hell was trying to swallow me, but I fought the massive devil with my sword in hand to hand combat! I called fire down from heaven in faith and the demon, entity, mass, was destroyed. Then I saw it come out of the sea, just like in revelations. God will keep me at perfect peace. He will be with me on the journey. Please bless Nelly to become the mother she wants to be! Lord I love you. Lord God! It's not just about intensity it's about consistency! Lord I LOVE you! With all of this broken heart! I feel attacks against your Spirit! I say Lord rebuke you! Lord help me in my secret place to please your heart! May I not be an actor or a hypocrite, but be a real man of God! Lord you have justified me! You are sanctifying me! And you will glorify me! Oh what a promise to be a son of God! Oh what a hope I have in Jesus! He is my deliverer from the depths of the grave!

 Mental health update:

For two decades this May I have been struggling with mental health issues. I've been hospitalized 20+ times, for long periods of time. I am currently hospitalized for the last seven months. Nothing seems to work against my intrusive thoughts. I fall into inner torment and fear... However I am learning that God does not give us a Spirit of fear, but power, Love, and a sound mind. Oh how I love Jesus! Despite my intrusive, blasphemous thoughts. I know my experiences are going to help someone. They happened for a reason, and I have hope. No matter what God has not forsaken me! No matter how I've offended Him. He is so good to me! And He is good to you as well. In faith in Him, you and I are brethren, and I want to meet all of God's prodigal children! He's going to bring all of us home! Oh what an amazing thing to be a child of the most high God! Oh what a mystery. Please let us pray for each other, that we may have Godliness with contentment, which is great gain. I love you my brothers and sisters! May God's will permeate your life. Amen!